Boy am I dumb.

Left an email account logged in that had incriminating mail.
Not crimminal but relationship incriminating.
Fuck
I hate being dishonest and guess what I've been?
Fuck.

Sad

Kind of sad today.
I think I'm leaving my wife.
It's been coming for a long time.
It still hurts though.
Not sure if she loves me or what I do for her.
Not sure she wants to make me Happy and I'm not sure i want to make her Happy.
She said she loves me for the first time in years yesterday.
Not sure I love her.
Not in love that's for sure.
Crap
Sad.

I'm in Love.
I bought new tires for the Bandit.Shinko 009's
They are the nicest handling tires I've had ,so far anyway.
The Bike just falls over in turns.
Sounds bad but it's actually a good thing.
I need quite a few more klicks to know for sure but I'm really loving the feel.
A great bike made better.
And $250 for a pair versus $235 for a replacement rear Michelin Pilot Road 2 makes it just that much sweeter.
Well off for a ride :)

Nascar

I'm a little embarrassed to say that this is my yearly trip to a NASCAR race. embarrassed because well it's NASCAR.

I don't really enjoy the race but I do enjoy the drunken antics. You see it's guys weekend.

No wives.

Sweet, I know I need the break and I'm pretty sure everyone else does too.

There's nothing like a Little inebriated go-cart racing to make a weekend perfect.

I'll wave from the stands if you're watching Sunday.

Managment

I don't manage my life. Why I do not know.

Friday I was stopped by a police officer who let me know that my license was under Suspension.


I had turned right at a street that did not allow right turns after 3 Pm on May 5th 2008.


I received a ticket but I forgot somehow to pay it.


So now I have wasted a day off at the Court house at Markham road and Milner trying to pay the fine and will have to pay an additional $150 for a reinstatement fee.

Plus I can't drive the car or more importantly ride the Bandit.

And the weather is PERFECT.


How I have allowed this series of events to unfold?

Management. Or Mismanagement as it were.

A constant theme in my life.

I don't manage my Weight, My Money, My Diabetes, My Fitness or My Whatever.

So what do I do to correct this way of being? No Idea but change I will.

This is not first time I have caused myself grief like this. I plan it to be the last.

I don't believe that the universe is communicating with me.

I don't believe it ever has but I am forced to admit that it's almost like there's a message in all this.

A lot of my life would have been better if I had taken care of things.

Of course I do manage some things.

The Bikes, My diabetes to some extent and even my weight. But nothing quite as well I might.

In the mean time I feel like an Idiot . But have to keep giving myself positive energy or I'll get depressed.

So Universe how to I change into a person in control?

Tomorow

24 hours from now I should rocking to the Hip at massey hall.

Sweet! I am so looking forward to the show.

This can’t go on.

Some days I just can’t take it.
I KNOW I should not be taking things personally. I know that. But random permission changes at work. No communication from my boss . And the lack of trust else ware are making me very uptight. I kicked an innocent chair earlier. A chair. A chair that has never let me down. Unlike my boss and some other coworkers.

I used to let stuff just roll off,. I am going to have make a major change or suffer dire consequences I think.
I can see that now but I’m scared. Flat out scared
This can’t go on.