A beautiful and (Obviously ) intelligent women told me Saturday that this blog was articulate. And that she could clearly see my passion and emotions.
I am inordinately pleased by that. :)
Here's a definition.I like #4
ar·tic·u·late /adj., n. ɑrˈtɪkyəlɪt; v. ɑrˈtɪkyəˌleɪt/ Show Spelled
[adj., n. ahr-tik-yuh-lit; v. ahr-tik-yuh-leyt]
adjective, verb, -lat·ed, -lat·ing, noun
–adjective
1. uttered clearly in distinct syllables.
2. capable of speech; not speechless.
3. using language easily and fluently; having facility with words: an articulate speaker.
4. expressed, formulated, or presented with clarity and effectiveness: an articulate thought.
Monday, 30 May 2011
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Alone.
Alone. That's right I'm alone. So what does that mean?
It Means I don't have a Girlfriend ,Significant other ,Wife or Partner.
Until this morning it was bothering me.
Quite a bit.
I joined a couple of online dating sites looking for someone to fill the empty spot in my life.
Boy that's a weird thing. I'll post on that another time.
And then (for about the 100th time) a couple of very good friends said something that finally Clicked.
I can't be with someone until I can be with myself.
It's taken a long time for me to get that. A LONG time.( Sorry People)
I've spent much ti,me and energy equating alone with Lonely. I think i finally realized I don't have to do that.
So . I'm going to delete those online accounts. I'm going hang with friends. I'm going to accept that I'm alone so I can enjoy the time I have and take care of some if those things I have not.
Like Me.
One thing I'll be doing is really determining what a relationship would look like for me. And what my partner would look like. No Not Boob size. Who she would be . Looks are not that important. (Ok she has to have all her teeth or a bridge for ones knocked out in Hockey I find the missing teeth thing disturbing) .
Maybe that's it. I'll be alone forever. Maybe not. Life will continue to suprise me no doubt. Some good some bad. But it wil be interesting.
And no longer Lonley.
It Means I don't have a Girlfriend ,Significant other ,Wife or Partner.
Until this morning it was bothering me.
Quite a bit.
I joined a couple of online dating sites looking for someone to fill the empty spot in my life.
Boy that's a weird thing. I'll post on that another time.
And then (for about the 100th time) a couple of very good friends said something that finally Clicked.
I can't be with someone until I can be with myself.
It's taken a long time for me to get that. A LONG time.( Sorry People)
I've spent much ti,me and energy equating alone with Lonely. I think i finally realized I don't have to do that.
So . I'm going to delete those online accounts. I'm going hang with friends. I'm going to accept that I'm alone so I can enjoy the time I have and take care of some if those things I have not.
Like Me.
One thing I'll be doing is really determining what a relationship would look like for me. And what my partner would look like. No Not Boob size. Who she would be . Looks are not that important. (Ok she has to have all her teeth or a bridge for ones knocked out in Hockey I find the missing teeth thing disturbing) .
Maybe that's it. I'll be alone forever. Maybe not. Life will continue to suprise me no doubt. Some good some bad. But it wil be interesting.
And no longer Lonley.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
RAIN!
Got caught in the rain last night.
Normally no fan LOL
Last night after my usual trepidation and worry I suddenly got it. It just stopped being a worry.
Maybe because I was following someone slow I was able to relax and just build up to speed.
On the way home I was on the 401 going faster than I can remember in the rain. It was a bit of magic. I felt so alive.
And wet. But Alive.
It was an affirmation of life .
An affirmation of me.
After the emotional roller coaster i put myself through the last month or so It was so good to feel that connection to my passion again.
I plan on connecting again. Maybe in safer conditions . Or Not.
Normally no fan LOL
Last night after my usual trepidation and worry I suddenly got it. It just stopped being a worry.
Maybe because I was following someone slow I was able to relax and just build up to speed.
On the way home I was on the 401 going faster than I can remember in the rain. It was a bit of magic. I felt so alive.
And wet. But Alive.
It was an affirmation of life .
An affirmation of me.
After the emotional roller coaster i put myself through the last month or so It was so good to feel that connection to my passion again.
I plan on connecting again. Maybe in safer conditions . Or Not.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Closure
Today I'm dropping off the last few things that I have of Cristy's. Nothing very important but one item is a gift I gave her that I was going to keep. That felt wrong after the anger subsided and even more so after I forgave her. I suspect it means little to her but it meant a lot for me when I gave it to her.
One thing I have is a T-Shirt she just got that has a recycling symbol and a cation that reads "I only throw out boys" Prophetic I guess. I should have paid more attention.
The rest is just little things I missed cleaning out cupboards and drawers . She doesn't need the stuff but I don't need to be reminded all the time.
The memories I want are all in my head now. I'll just keep them.
So a little more closure. Not sure that I have all need but am not likely to get any more . I hoped for a face to face meeting or at least a phone call but she does not have the nerve for either I guess.
So I'll take what I can get and do my best to move on.
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. "
-- Author Unknown
Update: I saw her last night at a ride. It was very hard for about 10 minutes. And watching them laughing together was like rubbing my guts with broken glass the first time.
But then? I just gave that up. They have their path I have mine. I can't change what happened and I have to move on. Stil miss her but I have much more closure today than yesterday and can go where I want when I want without worrying about running into her.
Closure is good. I could not have gotten it without forgivness. Something to think about maybe?
.
One thing I have is a T-Shirt she just got that has a recycling symbol and a cation that reads "I only throw out boys" Prophetic I guess. I should have paid more attention.
The rest is just little things I missed cleaning out cupboards and drawers . She doesn't need the stuff but I don't need to be reminded all the time.
The memories I want are all in my head now. I'll just keep them.
So a little more closure. Not sure that I have all need but am not likely to get any more . I hoped for a face to face meeting or at least a phone call but she does not have the nerve for either I guess.
So I'll take what I can get and do my best to move on.
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. "
-- Author Unknown
Update: I saw her last night at a ride. It was very hard for about 10 minutes. And watching them laughing together was like rubbing my guts with broken glass the first time.
But then? I just gave that up. They have their path I have mine. I can't change what happened and I have to move on. Stil miss her but I have much more closure today than yesterday and can go where I want when I want without worrying about running into her.
Closure is good. I could not have gotten it without forgivness. Something to think about maybe?
.
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Regrets
I have none. Realized that this morning.
Oh things could have gone better for sure . In lots of places in my life. But they could have been worse.
I've loved 5 women in my life. They loved me back to one degree or another. I expect I'll love another at some point.
Not everybody has that in there life.
EDIT: I've loved far more than 5 . I mean I've been in love with 5 Woman in my life. You know Hard core "I wish i could spend every minute of everyday with you " Love.
I have so many Women i love in my life right now it's not funny. And they love me back.
I am one lucky Guy.
Oh things could have gone better for sure . In lots of places in my life. But they could have been worse.
I've loved 5 women in my life. They loved me back to one degree or another. I expect I'll love another at some point.
Not everybody has that in there life.
EDIT: I've loved far more than 5 . I mean I've been in love with 5 Woman in my life. You know Hard core "I wish i could spend every minute of everyday with you " Love.
I have so many Women i love in my life right now it's not funny. And they love me back.
I am one lucky Guy.
Friday, 20 May 2011
Sean Mccan and Jeremy Fisher
Sean Mccan and Jeremy Fisher at the Dakota. AWESOME.
Needed that! Thanks Annie you Rock!
Needed that! Thanks Annie you Rock!
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