Closure

Today I'm dropping off the last few things that I have of Cristy's. Nothing very important but one item is a gift I gave her that I was going to keep. That felt wrong after the anger subsided and even more so after I forgave her. I suspect it means little to her but it meant a lot for me when I gave it to her.

One thing I have is a T-Shirt she just got that has a recycling symbol and a cation that reads "I only throw out boys" Prophetic I guess. I should have paid more attention.

The rest is just little things I missed cleaning out cupboards and drawers . She doesn't need the stuff but I don't need to be reminded all the time.

The memories I want are all in my head now. I'll just keep them.

So a little more closure. Not sure that I have all  need but am not likely to get any more . I hoped for a face to face meeting or at least a phone call but she does not have the nerve for either I guess.

So I'll take what I can get and do my best to move on.

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. "


-- Author Unknown

Update: I saw her last night at a ride. It was very hard for about 10 minutes. And watching them laughing together was like rubbing my guts with broken glass the first time.

But then? I just gave that up. They have their path I have mine. I can't change what happened and I have to move on. Stil miss her but I have much more closure today than yesterday and can go where I want when I want without worrying about running into her.

Closure is good. I could not have gotten it without forgivness. Something to think about maybe?

 
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